Friday, July 3, 2009

Open letter to my newly former next-door neighbor

There had been more- much more- including, apparently, a fish tank (gone).

You just moved out, my ex-next-door-neighbor. You left a ton of crap by the curb. Crap that was perfectly usable stuff (or had been at one time) left to go into a landfill, when you probably could have dropped it off at a thrift store. I have some of it now. I enjoyed chatting with others who were looking too. Some of the booty I am going to drop off at a thrift store myself; some I am going to sell. I don't know if I should bother to read "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" or any of your other self-help books, because it would appear as though they don't really help much.

Don't worry about that book from the Waukesha Public Library. I'll make sure it gets back there.

Really, though, I wanted to let you know that I shredded all of the personal financial documents that you left out (the ones that were still there when I got there, anyway. Who knows?). Names, addresses, dates of birth, social security numbers, and your bank statements and medical stuff and your end-of-checkbook-thingies (I tried not to look as I overburdened my shredder. I really did.) All of these are all safely shredded for your safety and my own peace of mind.

You see, I was a victim of identity theft not all that long ago. Yes, somebody wanted to be me- imagine that! Really, they just wanted my checking account, which at the time contained enough money to buy a nice used car. It was a terrible thing.

It's funny how I never really got to know you when you lived there, but now that you have moved out, I feel a sort of bond with you that I never would have otherwise had if I hadn't been willing to dig through your trash.


The River Otter


mikemiller34 said...

Wow, I think it goes without saying that you went above and beyond. You can probably imagine what the UWM neighborhood looks like this time of year!

The River Otter said...

Haha- John M and I used to plan dumpster diving around dorm move-out time at UWM and MSOE. We really scored!!
Good times.

Erik Helm said...

Ah neighbors...

Your mom said...

You definitely went out of your way to help your x-neighbor. Hard to believe that someone would be so stupid to throw out personal documents with all of that info. Do you think someone threw the things without your neighbor's knowledge? For revenge or something?

The River Otter said...

No, I saw them haul it all out themselves, but plenty of other "pickers" were asking me questions! Apparently the pile gave the appearance that some kind of drama had happened...but all I know is, they moved.

jag said...

My gosh. I hope this guy isn't moving to my neighborhood.